So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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