and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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