last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
