I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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