Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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