i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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