I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
