I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
