Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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