I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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