i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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