That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
