Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
