The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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