You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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