Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize