i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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