You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
