I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
