3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just invented taco cereal.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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