Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
