Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
