Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
