Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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