I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
