I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
