You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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