Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize