so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
