GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
