what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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