We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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