i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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