i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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