Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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