I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
