Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize