You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
