She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
