i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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