I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
