Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize