you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
