meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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