I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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