the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
