Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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