Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize