Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
