I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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