Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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