Already got asked if we're dating
I will die if light touches me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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