Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
