is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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