I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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