Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
