just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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