i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
