I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
