I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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