for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
