His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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