Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize