i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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