If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
