I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think i scared a bird with my dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
