I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
