Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
