and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize