Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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