Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
