My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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