i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
