I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
