My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
