Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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