the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
