please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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