I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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