Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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