omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
