don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize