i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
