I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
