Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
