i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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