I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
