update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
