do herpes really smell.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How naked do you want me to be?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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