Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
