She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
