she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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