Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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