Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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