Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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