the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
