you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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