I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
