hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
