Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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