Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
