Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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