if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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