chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
