When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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