yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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