I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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