oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
