So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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