my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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