Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
