Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
